First Play Party

After going to my first munch a couple weeks ago, I decided that I should wait a while before watching anyone play in real life.  Even though I’m interested in pain for myself, I felt like I might react badly to seeing someone else get hurt.

Last night, though, I went to the TNG munch, and some of the people there were going to an afterparty.  At first I declined, saying I was new to this and wanted to take it slow.  But I really wanted to see what it was like.  There was one pair of people there who said they were in a D/s relationship, and I watched them like a hawk just to see if I could learn anything about what that was like in real life.

I eventually wanted to go enough that I convinced myself.  I felt okay about going, and I’d be driving myself, so I could leave quickly if I wasn’t able to handle something.  It was at someone’s house, and not at the CSPC, so maybe it wasn’t the best choice for a first event, but I’d connected with some people at the munch who were going, so it seemed okay to go.

It felt weird walking into a stranger’s house, but the people there were nice.  I watched a girl strip and get tied up with rope, which was interesting.  Pretty much everyone stripped eventually, and, surprisingly, I didn’t really have a problem with it.  I’m not sure why, since I’d have thought I’d be really uncomfortable with that.  I kept my clothes on, though.

I went back upstairs, and some people were demonstrating some rope techniques.  One lady was hovering over the two pairs of people to get a good look so she could try it sometime.  So I asked if she wanted to try it now.  She made some comment along the lines of, “Oh, that sounds like an eager bottom,” and so I let her tie my hands. 

She tied them in front of me so the backs of my hands were against each other.  I got turned on almost right away.  Not from her, I don’t go for females, but I’d just wanted to try this stuff for so long and was excited to finally try it.

When she was finished, she took the ends of the rope, maybe a couple feet worth, and led me to a different part of the room.  I was kind of embarrassed about that, but was willing to do it.  She tried to make some sort of harness from the ends, but they were too short.

We sat back down and she sat there holding the ends, and – I was surprised – I really liked that.  I mean, I’d read about how people have felt when someone holds their leash, but it seemed a little strange to me; it wasn’t like they were even doing anything.  But I definitely liked the feeling that someone else had that control, even passively.  Maybe especially because it was passively.  Maybe the passiveness makes it feel more real, and not just played.

After a bit, she untied my hands and, after confirming that I wanted to, had me grasp my forearms behind my back, and she tied me that way.  She ran the ends of the rope over my shoulders and under the opposite arms, so there was a bit of a harness.  This position stretched my shoulders and upper arms back a bit, but wasn’t too uncomfortable.

When I’d been like that for maybe 20 minutes, someone glanced over and asked if I was still in the same harness I’d been in.  When I said that I was, that person said I would be a good rope bottom.  I’m not sure what that meant.  Don’t a lot of people stay tied up for a while?

I tried to free my arms because I wanted to know that I couldn’t.  I would have been disappointed if I could.  I did manage to get one of my hands halfway free while the lady who tied me had her attention elsewhere.  I gave myself bruises in the process, but I was determined to see if I could get out.

That lady had brought a toy with her that looked like a conductor’s baton, but was springy and very thin.  I’d hinted at her trying it on me earlier, so when she saw that I’d gotten partway out, she pretended to “punish” me by snapping it a couple times on my back over my shirt.  It was stingy, but I liked it.  My hand was starting to get cold, though, since I’d tightened the rope in my struggles, so she had to stop and untie me.

Then I finally got to see my first scene.  The Dom/sub pair I’d been watching started spanking some and playing with a crop.  The sub was crying out even when he was just spanking her.  It didn’t seem that hard from what I could hear, but I haven't experienced that, so I wouldn't know.  As they continued playing, he started slapping and punching between her legs, and he put clothespins on different parts of her and knocked them off with the crop.

I didn’t react how I’d feared I would.  I just sat there enjoying it with this silly half grin.  Even when she had trouble taking it and would whimper or ask him not to do something (but not in a safeword sort of way), I didn’t have a problem with it.

After they’d finished, I went back downstairs and there were two guys doing an impact scene.  I watched, fascinated.  The bottom could take quite a bit.  They went through several different toys.

I liked the demeanor of the top.  He was very focused, and didn’t react when the bottom reacted, although he did check in with him occasionally.  He would get this look when the bottom would move out of position, and I liked that look a lot.  He would get this calculating look about how he could cause the most pain.  Afterward, he said something about how the bottom was really experienced, and he’d tried to get to the level of pain the bottom wanted.

Tic-Tac-Toe.  Winner gets to make the next board!

The lady who had tied me earlier had also been watching this scene.  She still had her toy with her, and I asked her if we could play with it, and I held my arms out for her (the only uncovered part of me).  She obliged, and it felt awesome.  The sting would start and then build up for a few seconds.  It felt even better when she did several in a row, so I could feel multiple locations increasing in intensity at once.  She made a Tic-Tac-Toe board on my arm in welts.  She snapped it once near the tops of each of my shoulders, which hurt more, but felt really good.

I didn’t give any reaction to most of what she did.  It hurt, but not beyond what I was able to easily process.  I think I was kind of drawing inside myself to focus on the pain.  I only reacted a couple times to some of the stingier ones, and even then, I just said “oh” softly, still smiling.  I wonder if I’ll have to try to speak up more if I’m in an actual scene.  I know I need to give the top feedback so they can know what they’re doing, and it’s probably kind of boring if the bottom doesn’t react at all.

Time for long sleeves...

When she finished, I wasn’t ready to stop, but she was done.  I showed off the welts to a few people.  I liked them.  I didn’t know I’d like marks, but I was proud of them.  And it was fun to see people react.

The party started slowing down, and a bunch of couples started getting more intimate with each other.  I haven’t been around people having sex before, but, surprisingly, I wasn’t very uncomfortable with it.  I guess I was just ready to accept anything I saw in this environment.

I sat next to the Dom/sub couple I’d watched.  We talked about types of pain, and I mentioned that I wondered what a crop felt like.  The Dom guy said he could try it on me for demonstration purposes, so I held out my arm, and after asking if it was okay, he showed me a few different feelings from stingy to thuddy.

He hit my arm with the crop a couple times, and it felt good.  It wasn’t nearly as stingy as the baton thing had been, but I could tell that it would get harder to take after a few hits.  Then he slapped my arm there with his hand.  Then he put on this glove he had and slapped my arm with that.  Then he made his gloved hand into a fist and hit my arm with the flat part of his fingers a couple times.

I hadn’t actually expected him to do stuff besides the crop, so it was kind of bad that I hadn’t specifically given permission to him to do the other stuff.  But I think he must have thought the permission extended that far.  I was a little uncomfortable that that happened, but it was accidental, so I don’t think it’s a big deal.  I could have told him to stop if I’d wanted him to.

I didn’t much like the thuddy feeling from after he put the glove on.  I’m still interested in experimenting with it sometime, though.  My arm still has a bit of a bruised feeling from that, although hardly any bruise actually showed up.  I like that it still hurts some afterward.

When I was about to leave, I went downstairs to get some water, and saw a girl I’d met finishing up flogging a guy.  After they were done, and she was cuddling with him, I went to say bye to her, and said something like, “I guess I’m gonna head out now, unless…”  After an awkward pause, I mentioned that I was really interested in what floggers feel like, but said that it seemed like she was preoccupied.  She agreed to try it with me, though.

I still didn’t want to undress, so I pulled the back of my shirt over my head and tucked it around the front of my neck, so I was still covered in front.  I had her undo my bra strap so the flogger wouldn’t get caught on it.  I wasn’t uncomfortable with that, surprisingly, probably because most everyone else was almost nude.

It was a leather flogger with maybe a centimeter width strands, so it was made to have a thuddy feel to it.  I would have preferred to try a stingy sensation, but that’s what was there.

I got turned on just from getting into position for her to use the flogger.  I was so excited to finally try it.

She started out slowly, and I could hardly feel anything at all.  She checked with me a couple times and increased the intensity, but it still didn’t hurt at all.  I could feel the pressure from it, but there was no pain.  Only in the last few swings before she stopped was there any sort of pain, but it was only a little bit stingy; I guess she did it hard enough that there was a sting to it.  But there was no pain from the thuddy feeling at all.

She said she wasn’t that experienced with a flogger, and she could try really going at it, but she would rather me leave feeling like it didn’t hurt than risking something bad happening.  I agreed, but was disappointed.  I headed out after that.

At the party, I felt okay with everything that happened, but as I drove away, I had mixed feelings.  I still felt really excited about finally getting to try stuff and see what BDSM was like in real life.  But I also started feeling guilty.  I had decided before to take it slowly, but I let my emotions drive me to do what I hadn’t yet decided on beforehand.  Nothing bad happened,  but because I did this before I’d made a logical decision about it, it bothered me.

I slept restlessly.  I never sleep well when I go to bed that late, plus I had all these new experiences to think about.  But the guilt had mostly faded by the time I woke up.  I still have mixed feelings about what happened, but it did happen, and I’m glad to have finally experienced this.

I thought I would need to take this slowly, but the anticipation was getting to me more than I accounted for.  I think it was good to “rip off the Band-Aid” and finally see (and experience a little) what it is I’ve been imagining so much.  I feel relieved to have a real life reference point to put BDSM in context.